just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
