Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
