I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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