Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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