Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
