She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
