let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
