you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
