so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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