I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
