He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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