Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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