Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
