just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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