I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
