I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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