Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
