My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
