Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
is wine microwaveable?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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