I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
