it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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