So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
