If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
