Little spoons don't ask big questions
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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