2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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