come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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