i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
