I think i peed on brittanys purse
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
