So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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