there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
