I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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