Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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