me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
