I must be too annoying 4 u.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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