I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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