God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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