areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize