what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
