I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
