so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
