Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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