I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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