I want to have your abortion
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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