his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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