He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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