Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
