she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
