It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
