You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
