You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
