My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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