no, he came in my armpit
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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