oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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