My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
