I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
