It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize