too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
