i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize