just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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