I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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