You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
