as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
