So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
