Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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