Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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