the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I love you. Go after that dick
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
