There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
