He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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