WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
