can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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