at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
