I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
