Please, let me fuck your mom
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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