Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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