I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
