Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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