I wanna passion pit in your ass
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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