I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
