I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
