There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
