god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
