I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize