I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize