I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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