You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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