chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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