Pregnant stripper...not hot.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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