She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize