come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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