Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
