I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
jump out the window naked night went bad
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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