she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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