he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
