i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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