Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
