I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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