you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
