She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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