Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
