Whod you bang
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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