So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
