he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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